Ashton and Demi, Arnold and Maria, Jesse and Sandra…the media is ripe with stories about men not being able to keep it in their pants. And each time another celebrity cheats, another part of me dies. “Men aren’t made for monogamy” “You can never trust a man” “guys can’t control their impulses” are just some of the phrases swirling around in my head.
Cheating is certainly a very real problem. But the latest studies suggest that men and women cheat in almost similar numbers. One found that 23% of guys–and 19% of women–reported cheating. Another paints a bit of a bleaker picture reporting 45-55% of women and 50-60% of men will cheat at some point in their marriages.
Why do men cheat? It’s actually more about their big brains than their little ones. According to M. Gary Neuman in The Truth About Cheating, the majority of men cheat for emotional reasons. They feel taken for granted, un-loved, and distant from their wives. For the most part, it’s not: “I was drunk on a business trip and there was a sexy woman at the bar who wanted me.” (Even though that type of scenario may be what we assume.)
Ironically, while men’s cheating doesn’t seem to be based on lack of sexual satisfaction, according to one study cited earlier, women’s cheating does. Women who weren’t sexually satisfied in their relationships were more likely to cheat than those who were being pleased. Given the fact that women cheat about as much as men, female sexual pleasure is something that needs to be addressed if we’re going to keep our relationships in tact.
These are some facts about women’s sexuality: The average age a girl looses her virginity is 18. Many girls don’t have regular orgasms until some time in their 20’s. And a woman’s sexual peak isn’t thought to be reached until some time in her 30’s. What’s going on here?
For one, women tend to focus more on pleasing a guy than pleasing themselves. Secondly, the physical act of intercourse can only bring about a third of women to orgasm. The rest need a little more clitoral action to get there. But I’d say the largest problem is that women’s sex drives aren’t taken as seriously as men’s sex drives and then their enjoyment isn’t seen as that high of a priority. (“She got flowers today, doesn’t that mean more to her than sex?”)
Think about it: if a guy and girl had sex and a guy didn’t get off, it’s freak out time. Will he have blue balls? Will he be okay? Better have sex again as soon as possible so that he can get some relief! Now, what if the girl didn’t get off? That’s too bad. Better luck next time. Sure it matters, but it doesn’t seem to matter as much as a guy in this same position. If women’s orgasms aren’t given the same weight as men’s orgasms in a sexual encounter, is it any wonder why women are less likely to get off?
Sex is an important part of a relationship. For men and for women. In order for a woman to stay happy (and faithful) in a relationship, she needs to be gettin’ hers. So instead of making women hysterical with all these stories of cheating men, maybe we need to give them more productive cheating intel: you’re at risk for cheating too. And if you want to save your relationship, make yourself a priority in the bedroom.